I have been reading about strength training lately since I am doing so much rehab after having two surgeries in one year.  The best way to build muscle and get stronger is to do an exercise until the muscle fails: where you can’t lift that weight even one more time even if you tried your hardest.  A personal trainer is someone who helps you do those last one or two reps when it gets hard and you don’t want to do anymore.  I got that God is the best personal trainer.  He doesn’t listen to any of my whining or accept any of my excuses as to why I can’t do any more.  He just keeps me going until  He knows I reached my maximum capacity.  I’ve asked him to help me to grow and to reach enlightenment.  I can’t do that by working out occasionally and only when it is convenient and doesn’t make anyone else mad at me.  Allah is our own personal trainer who keeps us in spiritual boot camp and puts bigger and harder obstacles in front of us to get us to grow.  This isn’t punishment.  Allah knows that we can do it and that in the overall big picture of our existence doing one more “pushup” or “10 more minutes of cardio” will get us the results that our soul is longing for.

 

“Allah does not burden any soul except with what it can bear.” Qur’an 2:286

“Allah tries his chosen people through many hardships, but those who persevere through adversity, surrendering themselves before the will of Allah, shall be blessed with a superb reward.”  – Hadith The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Anas bin Malik .

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”  – Napoleon Hill

Neale Donald Walsh wrote a great book for children called, Little Soul and the Sun.  It’s only a 15 minute read so next time you’re in a bookstore pick it up.  The gist of the story is this: Two angels in heaven, who are best friends, are talking with one another.  One angel says to the other that he really wants to understand forgiveness, but it is hard to practice forgiveness in heaven where everything and everyone is so nice.  So the two angels decide to go to God to see if God can help them understand forgiveness.  God says okay, here’s the deal.  I’m going to send you both to Earth, where everything and everyone isn’t as nice as here.  When you get to Earth you will forget that you are best friends and that you agreed to do this.  The angel that asked to understand forgiveness will have to endure many things that will need to be forgiven. And I will have your best friend be the person that performs the deeds that need to be forgiven.  You can only know that you already have forgiveness in you by using it and being able to use it in any difficult situation.

Neale Donald Walsh also says that as soon as you declare that you are something, let’s say peace, everything unlike it will come rushing to you.  That means as soon as you decide that you want to exemplify peace, many “unpeaceful” things will begin to happen to you.  Why?  To show you what needs to be cleaned and healed before you can truly be Peace.  When you can remain peaceful in any situation, then you know you’ve got it within you; you are Peace. Whenever you have any strong emotional reaction, even if it is a good reaction, it is always about you and not the other person/people or situation.  It isn’t about finding a way to change the other person or situation so that you can have peace.  You already have the peace within you.  It is about healing your pictures/wounds so that you can connect to the peace within you no matter what.

Wayne Dyer teaches something similar. He uses the illustration of an orange.  If you take an orange and squeeze it, all you can get out of the orange is orange juice.  You can only get out of it what is inside of it.   When we get squeezed, someone or something triggers us, what comes out in our reaction and our behavior is what is inside of us.  Revealing what is hidden inside of us, what needs to be healed. Who or what can be mirrors for us?  Our families, children, teachers, bosses, coworkers, pets, jobs, cars, computers, finances – essentially everything and everyone around you is a mirror.

Growing up, I had issues about not being seen by my parents.  When I was attending USHS (then known as Jaffe Institute) I still had those same pictures about not being seen.  When I would raise my hand in class, I wouldn’t be called on.  When they would ask for volunteers to be a demo, I wouldn’t be called on.  Once I was standing in line in the women’s restroom. I was next in line.  One of the school’s teachers was behind me.  When the next stall became available, she walked around me and took it – like I wasn’t even there!   If I didn’t understand the mirror and get that she was only reflecting the energy that I put out, I might have been mad.  I just laughed in amazement about how I made my self invisible when more than anything else I wanted to be seen and acknowledged.

Hamza Yusuf gave a talk where he said that the condition of the ocean was a mirror of the people on the planet.  He said that jellyfish are taking over the ocean.  Jellyfish are spineless, mindless, consumers.  He asked that we stop being jellyfish in life because we are killing life in the ocean.

David Hawkins explains how to let go of these negative reactions that we have to life in his book, “Letting Go”.  He also describes how these reactions are a mirror of our inner beliefs that we may not even be conscious. I’m going to cite a paragraph on the Quality of al- Jabbar that shows we are not victims of some accident – everything is from Allah.  “Al-Jabbar is the One Whose will overrides everything.  No one is outside the influence of His power.  He has power over His creation in what He wills, so surrender to His decree, and know that nothing that strikes you could have missed you.”  –  The Meanings of the Names of Our Lord by Shaykh Muhammad Sa’id al-Jamal ar-Rifa’i Head of the Higher Sufi Council in Jerusalem and the Holy Land Teacher at the Dome of the Rock (al-Aqsa)

So what do we do when someone pushes our buttons?  Do we go to them and tell them what they did wrong, how they hurt our feelings, and how they need to go “fix” this part of themselves? Sidi says in Path to Allah, Man with the Pure White Mind,  “Let us go through the outward appearances and act righteously, being in the hands of God, and testify how He, praise be to the Most High, appears in everything in a divine way, giving unto each thing its own qualities, its own fragrance, its own adab and its own divine revelation.  … Let us obey the order of the divine revelation that God gave in manifestation and let us possess the perfect adab that the ethics of slavery impose – patience, poverty, humility, submission and the confession of neediness and dependence.  We have to persevere with calmness and labor and be steady in our walking through our love and hope, our complete adab and our pure morals and all other duties of slavery.”  “If you see a disobedient person while you are immersed in your obedience and his disobedience makes you blame and object to him, then his sin becomes visible because of your hardness.  But if you are ripe in your obedience and in the station where you are obliged to help others, you will adopt a better way in which you will remain unchanged within, yet at the same time you will stop the sinner from sinning.  Then you can erase the sin by your kind judgment and your high morals.  You thus prevent the sinner from performing the forbidden action by the help of your understanding, which comes from the reality of God, Who removes whatever He wants.  And God puts whatever He wants within you.  Please understand.”

“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’ At the second ask, ‘Is it necessary?’ At the third gate ask ‘Is it kind?’”   –Sufi Proverb

My understanding of this is that while you are still upset in any way with another person, that is definitely not the time to talk to them about their behavior.  You are still caught in your own pictures and will project your stuff onto them.  Once you have cleaned the pictures and can come from a place of pure peace and love, it might be appropriate to talk with them.  But by then, you will rarely feel the need to do that. Joe Vitale in his book called, Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace and More tells the story of a Hawaiian psychiatrist, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, who was in charge of a prison’s mental ward.  He didn’t see any of the inmates in person.  Instead he would take out each prisoner’s chart and while looking at their information would repeat 4 phrases from a spiritual practice called ho’oponopono.  These four phrases are: 1. I’m sorry. 2. Please forgive me. 3. Thank you.  and 4. I love you.  All the prisoners improved in their behavior and were eventually released, without ever talking to their doctor!  Isn’t that amazing? The basis of ho’opponopono is that there isn’t anyone else here.  There is only you.  And that prisoner over there, is just a projection of you.  When you heal the part of you that prisoner is reflecting back to you, then his behavior will change.  Your purpose is to heal all the people who are put in front of you and you do that by continually cleaning yourself by saying those four phrases above.  You take 100% responsibility for everything that happens to you.

If you are standing in front of a mirror and when you look at the image in the mirror it shows you (in your opinion) that you are overweight, your hair needs to be trimmed, and the clothes you are wearing aren’t very flattering.  Would you then yell at the mirror, tell it to change its reflection?  And if it didn’t, would you then throw it away and get a different one?  No, you wouldn’t because a mirror can only reflect you. During a Sufi School West, a woman approached Sidi and asked him, “If others are putting an energy out to us that is wrong, should we point this out to them or say anything about this?  What is the right way to be with that?”  Sidi answered,   “This is not our way.  We leave him/her until they wake up.  If they do not wake up then this action of theirs is only going to harm them.  It does not harm us in any way.  If we see this in another person, then we need to pray for them and ask for forgiveness for them.  And pray for them to wake up, but we should not waste out time dealing with these things which are no more than illusions.  Allah says whoever does an atom’s worth of good will see it and whoever does an atom’s worth of evil will see it.  We are never asked about the wrong actions of others.”  When the woman persisted that she needed to do something, Sidi said, “This is an illusion and to let go of it.  The other person’s feelings will either kill him or bring him to goodness.  It is like a person who finds a pool full of toxic water, filled with harmful insects, but he insists on swimming in this pool.  If you see someone jumping into a pool like that, leave him alone.  If you try to counsel such a person not to do this, he might become very angry with you and then you will find something very strong.  Only offer your counsel to people who you sense are ready to receive it.  And even then do so very gently.” Sidi responded to similar questions by other beloveds by telling them to be in the deepest polite when approaching them.

I just beginning to understand that to be polite means to be in your heart, offering nothing but love.  And you can only offer “feedback” when you are in that state of pure love. When the Messenger was asked to invoke a curse against idolaters, he replied, ” I was not sent as a curse.  I was sent as a mercy.” Continuing on with an excerpt from The Man with the Pure White Mind Is a Perfect Holy World, “If you sin and you see a sinful person, thank him for the favor he bestows upon you, because in this situation, you see quickly the sins of the other person and do not see your own.  So seeing the sins of others is a mirror in which you see the reflection of your own sin.  By this the sinner bestows on you a favor because he makes you return to the calls of the pure mind as the disadvantages of your sins appear in the mirror.  God gives you shame in this way.  Perhaps seeing yourself as a sinner pushes you to behave in the highest manner and with the supreme obedience.  Maybe you also save your sinful brother because he bestows a favor upon you as he saved you before.  First, he showed you yourself in his reflection and second, you show him in the same way that he showed you.  You erase the darkness from him, so that he no longer turns back to the calls of darkness.  Without his help, it is not possible for you to come out of your sin, because, before that, you falsely claimed that you knew the value of God.  If you are an honest man, you will not consider any person as lower than yourself.  … Know that God, the Generous and the Truthful, puts you in the same rank in which you put Him.”

Sidi teaches that when you are triggered, to go do 2 rakat of prayer to clean your state.  I was in a mosque for the call to prayer and this woman came in who was obviously very angry.  She was looking for a fight from anyone.  I was standing next to her for the prayer and I could feel the anger in her very strongly.  After we had finished our 4 rakat of prayers, that energy was totally gone from her. My master’s degree is in Organizational Development.  One of the teachings I learned in this program is about the stages of learning.  1. First, you are unconsciously incompetent.  You don’t know what you don’t know.  It’s a blind spot. In total denial.  2. Next, you realize your incompetence and are now consciously incompetent.  This is the most painful/difficult stage.  3.  As you continue to learn and grow, you are consciously competent.  You can do it, but you have to use your consciousness to accomplish it.  4.  After practicing your new skill repeatedly, you can do it without thinking any more.  You are unconsciously competent.   Stage 2, consciously incompetence, is very difficult but you have really made a giant step in becoming aware of something that needs to change and beginning to do the work to change it. As I mentioned before, accepting and understanding the mirror principal will require you to trust in Allah completely.  You need to trust that Allah knows what is good for you better than you do.  With this trust comes al-rida (contentment). In Path to Allah in the chapter titled, “Al-Maqam al-Rida The Station of Contentment” Sidi states, ” It is reported in Hadith Qudsi that, “Whoever is not content with My decree and whoever has no patience with My trials, let him seek another Lord.” And the Prophet, may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him, ordered us by saying, “Be content with what Allah had portioned out to you, and you will be the richest of all people.”  Know that it is obligatory upon the slave to have contentment with the decree that is in accordance with the order of Allah, since not everything that is decreed can be acceptable to the slave, such as disobedience.  Allah has decreed everything that is good and bad, so the slave has to have faith.  Then Allah decrees for him what is good and what is bad as the Messenger of Allah says, “To believe in the decree in its good and its bad.”  However he may not initiate any evil act.  Allah does not decree good and bad unwisely.  He decrees whatever He decrees for a great wisdom.” You also need to be careful not to take pride in your obedience, to think you are better than others because of your obedience.

Sometimes I get caught in thinking I am right and the other person is wrong.  Going back to the chapter on The Man with the Pure White Mind, Sidi said, ” But the man whose mental contentment comes from the image of holiness which he tries to impress others and from the pride he has in his obedience (rather than in pleasing God) would lose his obedience and his worship of God.  He has to ask Him for forgiveness because his contentment is not an honest one and his obedience is not true.  So his mind, which understands the rules of obedience in this false way directs itself toward the admiration and respect of others, is an incomplete mind.  Those who possess this kind of obedience must return to the righteous way of virtuous men and get rid of their false obedience and their liking for mean and low things, by advancing themselves and making their obedience for God alone, and they must make it their sole purpose to please God.  Beware of making your obedience barren and beware of your desire to be a leader in your tribe and among your relatives and brothers, thus leading you astray from your pure morals.  You have to know that your desire to be a leader, to show off and impress, and the desire toward this earth (ad-dunya) are all mischiefs; so run away from them unto God.”

In Path to Allah, in the chapter titled, “Knowledge of the Heart and the Stations of the Heart”, Sidi goes on to say, “The slave reaches the stations of al-rida by establishing himself with four conditions.  He says, “If You give, I accept; if You hold back, I am content; if You abandon me, I worship You; and if You call me, O Lord, I respond.  Know that contentment is the soundness of knowledge reaching hearts.  If the heart pursues the reality of knowledge this leads him to contentment.  Love and contentment are not like fear and hope.  On the contrary, they are two states that never separate from the slave in the dunya and the Hereafter.  No one can do without love and contentment.  Contentment is the stillness of the heart by surrendering to the choice that Allah makes with His slave because Allah chooses what is best for him.  So he accepts this and abandons unhappiness.” Can you feel how empowering this state is?  You have total control over how you feel each day.  No one can “make” you feel anything.  It’s not so scary knowing that no one can really hurt you.  There is no need to blame or correct others. So if this mirror is all about showing us what we need to clean or heal, how do I do that?

There are many ways to begin the healing process.  The New Age approach is to use affirmations, which from my experience, help, but take a long time to get results.  Psychology works to begin to clean the mind of these wounds.  Since psychology doesn’t work with the heart, it is only partially effective.  The Sufi way to clean these wounds is through spiritual practices. All of the practices listed in this website are designed to help you to heal, such as: How to Walk, Writing the Stations, Remembrance, Doing Tawbah,  La ilaha illa llah, working with the Qualities and Getting Healings.  You can do all of these without any financial cost or needing another person except getting actual healings. Getting an actual healing session can usually move things along faster.  When I get a healing about something that is bothering me, when I get to the core of what is being triggered within me, I find that I made a choice to turn away from God.  No one else made that choice for me or made me do it.   The healing allows me to make tawbah for turning away and make a new choice. Once you’ve healed yourself and cleaned your Qualities, you will put out a different vibration.  A vibration that  resonates with God’s Qualities. Now when you are around other people, your vibration will raise them up so they can begin to awaken to the Qualities within themselves.

“Allah tries his chosen people through many hardships, but those who persevere through adversity, surrendering themselves before the will of Allah, shall be blessed with a superb reward.”  – Hadith The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Anas bin Malik

“The Divine heals us not by changing our circumstances, but rather by showing us all the ways in which our circumstances do not limit us in the ways we believed they did.  This Divine Insight allows us to take inspired actions that both transform our circumstances and allow us to realize Ridiculously and Unbelievably Happy/Spiritually-Aligned lives. ”      – James Keeley and LiveRUH.com.

If I were to make understanding the mirror principle as easy as I know how, I would say that whenever you notice anything or anyone in the world that bothers you, it is showing you through the mirror something you find unlovable.  Since everything is from Allah, this is a place where you are saying “no” to the love.  And we are saying that about some part of our self.  We are saying no to allowing the love to be given to some specific part of our self that is reflected in that person or situation that is upsetting us. An excerpt from, “The Reality of Gnosis”, by Sidi, the chapter titled, ” All Existing Entities Are Ranks of Your Being”: “All existing entities are ranks of your being related to you.  Nothing manifests to you except that which is you and from you.  So look!  What do you see?  Give each distinguished [entity] its proper favor out of love because from that comes what perfects you.  So understand! Know, my beloved, that all existing entities in relation to you are ranks of existence within your being.  There is no existing entity that does not also have a trace in you.  Each entity has meaning for you and is related to your reality.  The realities of the ontological order that manifest to you do not manifest except by your reality which is what you are.  The whole matter is yours- it is from you and for you. From this station, whoever sees good let him praise Allah, but if he sees otherwise, let him only blame himself.  Look!  What do you see?  If you see a shortcoming (nafs) in one of the ranks of the ontological order, then know that it is your own shortcoming manifesting to you through the rank of that entity.  If you see a rank as totally deficient, then know that you are totally deficient.  But shortcomings are of many types because each color has many colors associated with it!  However, it all resembles you, so if you dislike a shortcoming in one rank, then work to remove this shortcoming from yourself and you will not see its trace.  And if you imagine that all these shortcomings are in others and not in yourself, then know that you are drowned in the depth of inadequacy. …  However, it is not only effective to see a defect or a deficiency and to disregard it, it is also important to see that the defect or the deficiency is not the true origin.  In this way, you will be able to honor everything and to be honored by it in the same manner in which the Perfect Master (as-sayyid al-kamil) and the purified members of his household were.  They never focused on that which is shameful, but remained in a station of perfecting their qualities until they arrived at perfection and at witnessing the Absolute Perfection (al-kamal al-mutlaq).”

More from “The Man With the Pure White Mind Is a Perfect Holy World”.  “Understand, beloved that the ranks of slavery are the manifestations through which everyone can behold the reality of God.  If you face any of these ranks, appearing in any of these manifestations, know that you are facing God.  You are the mirror in which these ranks reflect themselves and through you, as reflection, all people can behold these ranks.  As you are a slave, it is from the adab not to see another but as slave and testimony of God; so see in him your God even if he is not a slave. Understand, and be careful to not hide this knowledge from him as your testimony of his slavery ensures your slavery.  If all the qualities of slavery, the courtesy (al-adab)  and good character are within you, it is only because of the presence of the reality of God, Who is the basis of all these perfections. Thus you must always see the other slave as yourself.  In this way you will behold God in His slaves.  Therefore, you are obliged by the adab of slavery to recognize any slave as the evidence of God.  In brief, there is no divine witness, meaning a slave, but that his existence gives evidence of the existence of God. Know, my beloved, that the slave who confesses his slavery upon the attainment (ad-darak) of truth is one whose divinity is truly realized, and this slave beholds God in all His manifestations and sees that the signs of God are everywhere.  The existence of every rank of slavery is a sign pointing to the existence of God.  You who believe in slavery and desire it, look at your brothers with al-adab and you will see your God.  They are the reflections through whom your God is revealed to you, and know that only through the slave can you see your God.  So the rank of slavery is the highest rank, as the station of the slave is the highest station.” “Hear me, O lover of the Merciful and Compassionate, I say unto you that since the ranks of slavery are divine manifestations, then it is from the politeness (al-adab) to see a slave only as the evidence of God.  If you obey God, you will find through your obedience, a contentment for your mind, a raising of your hopes, and an authority over your companions and family.  Having all these qualities is evidence of the generosity of God.  If you see an obedient person, you can see in him the virtue that lies within yourself because he is the mirror for you.   When he looks at you, he as well can see himself in you.  If you see a sinful person who goes astray, try to free him of his pride by showing him the Almighty and His majesty, the Holiness and the Peace.  Despite his sinful ways, he expects to be forgiven and to have his faults concealed; he wants to be guided and helped by God despite his sinfulness.  Then in the granting of these requests, we find evidence of the greatness of God, the Beholder of the secrets, the Wise (al-Hakim) and the Bestower (al-Wahhab). There are plenty of signs that point to God, but the evil-doer misses all the opportunities for contentment, authority and hopefulness which were mentioned before.  Thus it would be best for him to repent and change his state from evil to goodness.  If you see an obedient person, thank God for providing you with the mirror through which you can correct any deficiencies in yourself.  If you see a sinful person, thank God for your being on the straight path and try to help him onto the straight path, too.  If you see a sinful person, look upon his sins in a lighter way than on yours.  If you are a sinful person, thank God for showing you the right way, and change yourself toward the good.  God is the Giver and the Taker and He will put you in a station corresponding to your attitude toward Him.  If you are an obedient person, do not be proud of your obedience because it is from God.” “In case you go astray, you will be afraid of God and implore His help (having already seen the results of sin).  So you will lessen your disobedience and return again to your real senses.  Then look at the sinner, how he fell away through sin from the Majesty of the holy peace. Then look at how he expects to be forgiven.  This is the first step on the way of purity from the wickedness of sin.  Look also at how he expects to be forgiven because he is ready for it, and he did not realize the greatness of the Forgiver, Who forgives him in the same way that He judges him.  The Forgiver does not give him refuge, except after testing him through sin, in order to show both of you how to be in relation to God.  This is the evidence of the greatness of the Veiler, the Clement, the Wise and the Forgiver.  He conceals him, is merciful unto him, is clement with him, and protects him.  He gives him wisdom to make him understand the truth of living in sin.  Being in this place, he sees his sins and how the divine care did not leave him, and how his God guides him in obedience and disobedience.  So understand that the real slave was favored, given mercy, and then witnessed the reality of God in all the difficulties that faced him.”

This next reading is from Music of the Soul chapter “Al-Wujud Illahi The Divine Existence”. ” Know, O follower of Allah, that fate moves according to your susceptibility and your readiness for what is latent in your capability and willingness.  Since the susceptible readiness that is you is the source of manifestations for you, you should learn that anything that emerges from you is for you, and it emerges to none but you.  It comes out from your susceptibility to your readiness.  Nothing comes out to you except that which is for you, even though you thought it was separate from you and though it sprang from  your imagination, (being) contrary to what you are.  Indeed, everything from you is for you, and anything for you is from you, especially if you realize this and learn that your fixed being rank necessitates this so as to appear in accordance with the traits built in you.  So nothing comes out from you except that which goes back to you in the images of your stages.  And anything these stages may show, being your stages. is for you and nothing but that, since all the manifestation of your being is what is being witnessed.  This witnessed being, which is the mother of whatever you find is for you, and whatever is for you in every situation by itself is nothing but from you.  You shall be that which you judge.  If you judge one of your prominent stages in which there are manifestations of your being as being variations, then it is what you judge it to be, be it variations for you or from you.  If you judge them as being contrasts and troublesome, then they are so, coming out from you.  And if you judge anything, in whatever stage it appears, to be the truth and itself, that is your right, and it is yours according to your judgment. So learn how to witness and to realize so as to know.  If you know, you will surely realize that anything from you is for you, and vice-versa and that you shall be that which you judge.”

Also from Music of the Soul, the chapter called, “A Story”. You can listen to me read it here: A Story  or read it for yourself below. “A Story” bismi’llah ir-rahman ir-rahim In the Name of Allah, the Merciful, the Compassionate I want to tell you a story, a short but very strong story.  My guide once put me in a  very strong station.  I was sitting with fourteen of fifteen students and none of them could stay, so they all left.  I was alone with my guide, but what could I do?  There was nothing I could do because I needed this strong station.  This was when I lived in Damascus.  There was a bad man there.  Every day this man would throw stones at the zawiyya.  He was an old man and each time my guide would say, “Send him mercy.  If he wants food, give him food and some money and some clothes from my guide”, but I felt something very strong inside because he was a bad man.  But I listened to what my guide said.  He said, “There are many messages when this old man throws stones at the zawiyya.” Then the old man became sick and my guide sent me to him.  When I arrived at his house, he woke up and said, “Who is there?”  I said, “Muhammad, excuse me, I want to help you.”  Then he began to weep and he started to return, and after a time, to change everything.  He stayed at home for five days.  Then he got up and came to live in the zawiyyah.  He became a holy student.  Today, this man is one hundred and five years old.  When I met him in Amman, he said, “Sidi, excuse me for throwing stones at the zawiyya.  But if I had not hit the zawiyya, I would not have reached God.  How could I have known the guide and the way if I had not thrown stones?”  The guide saw the wisdom of his actions and knew that this old man was one of his students. In this story is a strong and very holy picture.  This picture is of the date tree.  Be like this tree.  When any person throws something to hit the date tree, it gives him back sweets.  This is what I want from my students.  This is the right way.  I want everyone to be like the date tree.  When anyone hits the tree, it gives him sweets.  If anyone makes something bad for you or speaks in an unkind way, understand Who speaks and Who hits.  After this you will know and you can take what you want.  Be sweet and give to everyone who wants sweets because after the fire is the garden and after the darkness is the light.  It is necessary to see within everything to see where it is coming from and return it to God. Be polite! Everything is the face of your God.  Everything is from the polite.  Know that politeness is the greatest door through which you travel to reach your God.  Without politeness you cannot reach.  I hope that you will be polite all the time.  If any student does not help me, I cannot give anything.  I am like a cup.  I do not have anything.  You can put something in or take something out, but the cup does not have anything.  I have said enough.  Allah”

If you would like to hear me read “The Man with the Pure White Mind is a Holy World” from Music of the Soul  click here. Man With the Pure White Mind     I’ll end with two articles written by Shemsi Prinzivalli.

The Art of Not Being Offended

There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great Oneshave known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every statement, action and reaction of another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date. In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other times, and in particular the first few times, that this person experienced a similar situation, usually when they were young. Yes, this is psychodynamic. But let’s face it, we live in a world where psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact, the word psychology literally means the study of the soul. All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We are all swimming in the projections and filters of each other’s life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our relationships, but  mainly for us to know that almost every time we get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding. A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that we are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are doing—we don’t have to take life personally. If it weren’t us, it would likely be someone else. This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of people around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by being offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if they themselves do not appear that way on the surface.   All anger, all acting out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do not even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a thing.   People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved one’s therapist. We need only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we ourselves  experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to makethe world a better place.This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt, neglectedor taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on. We are not hooked by what another does or says, since we know it is not about us. When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and worthy people. The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life.

An excerpt from:Emotional Alchemy

Practical mystics … teach by invitation only and never impose their knowledge onto someone except by request. When asked or invited, we are happy to share everything we know. But without that invitation from another, we do not have permission to try to teach even when we see others suffering. They must find their ability to seek out guidance or the so-called ‘help” will only be experienced as intrusiveness.

The world is filled with fixers, people who want to make everything right. Though the intention is a beautiful one—to alleviate suffering—fixing only cripples people. It is like going to college for someone, taking all the classes and then presenting them with a degree. They learn nothing. Most fixing is born out of the incapacity to bear the suffering of another. A practical mystic knows they must learn to bear the suffering of others as well as their own. Not because they are masochistic or because suffering should continue, but because within all suffering is a gem of knowledge. We must find the teachings of our suffering if we are to create a different world. We must allow our children and our loved ones to learn their lessons without doing it for them or removing the pain temporarily because we cannot bear it. That is ultimately a selfish act. It is an act the alleviates our own anxiety but brings nothing positive to the other. They may even encourage this because they experience a short term relief, similar to a drug. But very quickly the issue returns. Without the internal skills, the suffering shall remain. 

The selfless alternative is to teach the skills we speak about and become a model in the world by doing this ourselves. While it is essential to bear the struggles of another, this does not mean that we abandon our loved ones. When it is their time in the desert, we can hold their hand, we can stand by their side and be completely with them. We can be a beloved to them, we can give them support and encouragement (not tell them what to do!), we can give them gentle soothing words of the heart and let them know we understand how hard this must be. But they must walk out on their own power. If this seems illogical, the proof is in the doing. In the end, we must all walk out of our own desert by bearing own pain and finding the distant shore.