I have always struggled with forgiveness.  I know by hanging onto my anger and  resentment, it hurts me more than the person I am not forgiving.  When I cling to past grievances, I am listening to my nafs/ego and listening to the darkness. When I hear that someone’s Sufi name is Abdul Ghafur or other divine names for the Forgiver, am I grateful that isn’t me.  Because I know that person is going to experience a lot of things they will need to forgive, until they fully get that they are forgiveness.  I have a hard enough time just forgiving what comes into my life each day without that being the main lesson my soul is here to learn.

Out of all the books I’ve read about forgiveness they basically say the same thing.  Forgiveness isn’t a one time occurrence.  You will need to choose to forgive that same experience over and over again until you fully let it go.  Ugh!  I want it to be easier than that.

Forgiveness is really just about accepting the past.  You can’t make your past different just because you want it to be.

I just recently had an “aha” about forgiveness (March 2016).  I listened to a talk given by John Abd al-Qadr Davies entitled Being a Vessel for Divine Qualities in Everyday Life.  He was actually talking about the Divine Qualities, but he read a passage from Sidi’s book,”The Reality of Gnosis” that changed my perspective on forgiveness.  I will share the quote and then what changed for me:

“All Existing Entities Are Ranks of Your Being” by Shaykh Muhammad Sa’id al-Jamal

All existing entities are ranks of your being related to you.  Nothing manifests to you except that which is you and from you. So look! What do you see? Give each distinguished [entity] its proper favor out of love because from that comes what perfects you.  So understand!

Know, my beloved, that all existing entities in relation to you are ranks of existence within your being.  There is no existing entity that does not also have a trace in you.  Each entity has meaning for you and is related to your reality.  The realities of the ontological order that manifests to you do not manifest except by your reality which is what you are.  The whole matter is yours – it is you and for you.

From this station, whoever sees good, let him praise Allah, but if he sees otherwise, let him only blame himself.  Look! What do you see?  If you see a shortcoming (naqs) in one of the ranks of the ontological order, then know that it is your own shortcoming manifesting to you through the rank of that entity.  If you see a rank as totally deficient, then know that you are totally deficient.  But shortcomings are of many types because each color has many colors associated with it!  However, it all resembles you, so if you dislike a shortcoming in one rank, then work to remove this shortcoming from yourself and you will not see its trace.  And if you imagine that all these shortcoming are in others and not in yourself, then know that you are drowned in the depth of inadequacy.”

Sidi makes it very clear that everything is a mirror to what we hold inside.  If I see wrongdoing in another person (someone I need to forgive), their wrongdoing is a reflection of the same thing in me!  So there really there is no difference between forgiving someone else and tawba.  In both cases, the person who needs to return to God is me, not the other.

This passage reminds me a lot of the teachings of ho’oponopono (how there is only one person in your life – you).  Everyone else is a projection of your illusions.  Anything you see in someone else that you don’t like was created by you to show you what you need to heal.  And also my husband’s teaching about the 2 X 4.  My husband gets guidance from his inner wisdom.  He calls this voice, Zakariyyah, the Sufi name Sidi gave him.  One day he got a message telling him about the 2 by 4 question.  He had no idea what that meant.  When he asked what the 2X4 question was, this is the response Zakariyyah gave him. “What is the gift of this experience?  Everything is a gift. Given to you, by you, for you.” My husband hasn’t read any of Sidi’s books, so he definitely didn’t get the idea from them.

My favorite author on forgiveness is Gerald Jampolsky.  The following are highlights from his book: “Forgiveness The Greatest Healer of All”:

• What we need to forgive in others may be something in ourselves that we have hidden from our awareness.
• Do I want peace or do I want to be right.
• Forgiveness means seeing the light of God in everyone – regardless of their behavior.
• To not forgive is a decision to suffer.
• To be happy, all I have to do is give up my judgments.
• We will truly have more peaceful relationships when we stop telling others how to live and start practicing love and forgiveness.
• Forgiveness is letting go of all hopes for a better past.
• Forgiving others is the first step to forgiving ourselves.
• There is always a choice to be made: We can listen to the voice of love or to the voice of the ego.
• To forgive, have a willingness to give all your anger and anguish to God.
•   We choose the thoughts we put in our minds.
• Forgiveness creates a world where we do not withhold our love from anyone.
• It becomes easier to forgive when we choose to no longer believe we are victims.
• Forgiveness is the pathway to happiness and the quickest way to undo suffering and pain.
• Forgiveness is the shortest route to God
• Forgiveness is the eraser that makes the hurtful past disappear.
• Let peace of mind be your only goal – not changing the other person or punishing them.
• It is never too early or too late to forgive.

John Randolph Price developed a forgiveness process.  It has three steps.  Step 1. Write the name of every person, living or dead, that irritated or hurt you in some way.  Most people have a long list.  Your list should include your own name. 🙂  Step 2: Put yourself in a space where you will be alone and uninterrupted.  Go down the list, one name at a time. Hold the image of that person and say to them, “I forgive you and I release you.  I hold no unforgiveness back.  My forgiveness for you is total.  I am free and you are free.” Stick with the list until you completed the entire list.  (Side note:  You could also choose to do ho’oponopono here.   I think it would have a similar effect.) Step 3: Do nightly releases.  Every night before bed, do a mental review of your day.  Anyone that comes to mind that you need to forgive? It’s like brushing your teeth before going to bed.  Wash yourself daily of any resentments, so that they don’t accumulate.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
– Buddha

 

I made a short guided meditation to help you let go of all your fears, sadness, anger, etc. You can listen to it here.  I call it the Angel Bucket Meditation.

“A man went back to transgressing after he had sincerely asked forgiveness of God and swore never to sin again. “How will God forgive me this time?” he asked in despair. A heavenly voice responded, “You obeyed Me and I made amends for you, then you abandoned Me and I indulged you, and now that you returned to Me I shall receive you.”” – Al-Hujwiri, “The Kashf al-Mahjub”

Prayer for Peace: (Repeat 100 times daily)

Astaghfir Allah al ‘Azim – (with palms open upwards) I ask God for forgiveness

wa la ilaha ila huwa – and there is no God but He

al hayy al qayyum – the Living, the Everlasting

wa atubu illay. – and to Him I turn in repentance.

Repeat 100 times daily.

 

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”    – Mark Twain

Dr. Zhi Gang Sha, who is a spiritually based energy healer, offers this practice for forgivenss: